


My Sunshine

by stucky



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Affairs, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Angst, Bottom Erwin Smith, Cheating Erwin Smith, Closeted Character, Depression, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-03
Updated: 2019-12-03
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:01:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21657199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stucky/pseuds/stucky
Summary: This work is currently under going internal rewrites and is subject to possibly change if I ever get around to writing the rest of it
Relationships: Levi/Erwin Smith
Comments: 22
Kudos: 46





	My Sunshine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin visits a gay bar

Neither of them were prepared for the consequences of spotting each other in this club.

He didn’t seem to notice Erwin but Erwin certainly noticed  _ him. _ He was leaning over the counter top to order drinks for him and his friends. 

Erwin noticed the neat undercut hairstyle first, hair so dark brown it looked black. Even in the low light, he saw how it contrasted his porcelain skin; skin that seemed to glow, iridescent highlighter reflecting at the right angles. A cute smile formed on his dark purple painted lips.  __ From what he could see, he wore a black mesh top that let Erwin peek at how his chest pushed together with his arms placed on the bar top. He lifted a hand to flag down the bartender, and Erwin noted different rings on every finger, painted nails, and several bracelets adorning slender wrists. He turned to an auburn haired person next to him. Erwin couldn’t figure out their gender. He smiled to himself, casting his eyes back down to his drink.

_ Lonely… _

He never even considered himself to be the type that found goths attractive...but there was something about this man specifically that enticed Erwin in a way he couldn’t explain. It was true, however, that he thought  _ all _ of his attractions to men were rather sinful in a way. And therefore...unexplainable. The way kissing them felt so much more erotic than kissing women. The way touching them made his body so hot he didn’t even know how to cool himself down. The way he came so much harder than he ever did having sex with women… He was already picturing how sex could be with the goth. Maybe he liked it rough? Or was kinkier and into things like choking or being tied up…? Erwin covered his own smile with his hand, feeling it was too knowing to show to the strangers in this club.

_ Very lonely... _

He nursed his glass, filled with bourbon he sort’ve liked. The taste wasn’t his favorite but he needed the burn of alcohol to settle in quickly if he was going to work up the courage to talk to the goth boy. It wasn’t that Erwin wasn’t confident in his abilities to be charming or flirtatious, or that he feared rejection. No...that wasn’t it. Erwin knew he was attractive. He’s never had issue charming anyone in his life, except perhaps the occasional stubborn older person that insisted on being bitter. No he wasn’t nervous because of  _ that... _

It was the small piece of jewelry that burned a hole in his pocket. That bound him to a life he wished he didn’t have to participate in. And talking to this raven haired man, possibly taking him back to his hotel room, would push him further away from the life he didn’t want.  _ And that scared him too.  _ Because her smile was…

Erwin shook his head. He finished his glass in one go and ordered another drink. He looked up again and panicked for a moment seeing the goth and his friends had disappeared.  _ What if they already left?  _ He turned his entire body out to scan the dance floor, even stood on his stool to get a better look. He was about to lose hope until he saw the top of that raven hair, almost completely obscured by the crowd. He must be very short. Erwin found that to be oddly endearing, though he didn’t know why. 

He kept an eye on the man dancing, finishing two more drinks before feeling buzzed enough to join the dance floor. He didn’t attempt to pay any mind to people, not wanting any undesired attention. But he was such a large presence, being well built and six feet tall, that it was impossible to not have people try to grind up against him. He indulged them a bit, offering a shy smile and extra movement just for them before somewhat awkwardly moving away. 

He could feel it now: the magnetic pull bringing him closer to the raven haired goth. Or perhaps it was the alcohol warming his body to the idea, or the heat of the bodies that moved all around him… or maybe it was the beat of the music that he could feel pulse through his entire body. But something in the back of his mind told him there was another layer to this feeling.

So he committed to making his move.

He finally reached him, dancing only a few feet away from each other. He didn’t even seem to notice Erwin’s presence; his eyes were closed and arms were lifted, completely lost in the music. His bracelets fell down his forearms, clearly too big for his tiny wrists. His hips seemed to move in slow motion. Erwin almost stopped moving, too entranced with the way this small man danced. His body twisted away from Erwin and it was then he thought to check the rest of him out. Or rather, he couldn’t help himself because the way his  _ ass _ looked in the tight black jeans he wore…

It was round and looked impossibly both tight and squishy. His mind immediately thought of how his big hands would completely envelop those cheeks...though he was small, his thighs were thick and his calves looked muscular, straining against the skinny jeans he wore. He wore black platform boots on his small feet. Erwin watched those feet turn back towards him. His eyes snapped back up to his face only to find his eyes were still closed. This did nothing to mask how  _ gorgeous  _ he was up close.

Erwin had never seen a more attractive person in his life.

A slender chin, but a jaw so sharp it could cut glass. A small slightly upturned nose Erwin wanted to touch, to kiss. Soft looking lips...a big bottom lip Erwin wanted to bite. His cheeks were ever so slightly chubby. His eyebrows were thin but defined by makeup and Erwin thought to himself, had he  _ ever  _ found  _ eyebrows _ to be attractive before? And even with his eyes closed, Erwin could see the lashes made to look longer with mascara, the black eye shadow that made them look so pretty. And his hair…

It swayed on his forehead as he threw his head this way and that as he danced. Two...Erwin supposed they were something like cowlicks? They made his bangs lift and fall as they framed this man's perfect face. His hair looked silky soft up close. Erwin wanted to badly to reach and run his fingers through that hair...bury his nose in it to know what it smelled like. He briefly chided himself for having such intrusive and creepy thoughts about a stranger but then someone bumped into him.

He caught himself before he crashed into the goth; he took this opportunity to initiate an interaction. He gently placed a hand on his small shoulder, guiding him to turn back towards him. He moved closer but he did not open eyes. He caught off Erwin off guard as he looped his arms around neck, pulling him close. His fingers touching the short shaved hair of his undercut as he moved in close, hips still moving. Erwin carefully placed his hands on his hips, trying to find a rhythm of movement that matched his.

"Finally made a move I see," the goth said. He had to pull Erwin downward so he could reach his ear to be heard. Even drowning in the loud music, his voice rattled Erwin to his core. So familiar though he'd never heard anything like it. How could that be? His mind then registered the comment.

"What do you mean?"

Erwin could swear he felt the man's movement hesitant for a second but he recovered quickly. He stood on his toes so he didn’t have to shout.

"Don't think we didn't notice how you were checking me out," he answered, his painted lips tugged into a smile.

"How did you know it was me with your eyes closed like this?"

His smile broadened, "because I know how to check guys out without being painfully obvious. Though my friend Hans did have to point you out to me...been dancing my ass off to entice you enough to make a move."

Erwin felt a blush creep across his face. He would have rubbed the back of his neck but the man's hands were occupying that space. Instead he accidentally rubbed circles on his hips.

"If you wanted me to come join you so badly, why didn't you just ask?" 

"Where's the satisfaction in that? I want you to work for it."

"Ah, fair enough," Erwin averted his gaze even though the man wasn't looking at him.

"So what brings you here, Blondie? I've never seen you here before, and I'm here almost every weekend. Looking to have a little fun?"

Erwin winced, but pretended he didn't, thankful now that the small man's eyes were closed, "I suppose you could say that...a friend of mine showed me this club a few months ago. I wanted to get a better look at the place myself."

"Oh yeah?" the tiny goth removed his hands him his neck, spinning is body away from him. He moved his ass in a slow sensual dance, "do you like what you see?"

He took a step back, pushing his ass against Erwin's crotch. He lifted his arms again, reaching behind to touch the blond's hair and face as he grinded against him. Erwin instinctively moved his hips in response, his hands returning to rest on his hips again. He felt heat rise in his body, twisting a pooling in certain places. He breathed out, bending to let his head droop on the raven's shoulder.

"Yes, I really really do. But what about you? Do you like what  _ you _ see?" He hoped asking this would prompt him to open his eyes. He was really starting to wonder what color his eyes were, and if they were as magnetic as his presence. He didn't know how they  _ couldn't  _ be.

"Yeah, baby," he said quietly, biting his lip. Erwin wasn't sure if it was an answer to his question or a response to feeling his growing erection pressed against the tight little ass teasing him.

"You haven't even opened your eyes to look at me," Erwin pressed the subject. He was growing insecure. How could he let a stranger like Erwin dance with him like this without being sure he even  _ wanted  _ him? What if Erwin was wrinkly and gross looking up close? He'd already noticed the early signs of crow's feet staring in the mirror each morning…perhaps he wasn't as confident as he thought.

"I saw you across the bar and I liked what I saw. What more do I need?" His tone was playful, smile cheeky. 

"I might look alright from a distance but what if I look more aged up close?"

Just then, the goth grinded hard against him, ripping a groan from his throat. Erwin was at full sail at this point, cock throbbing at the stimulation. He squeezed the slim hips he held, trying not to be obvious about wanting to practically dry hump him on the dance floor. 

"Why would that matter when it's obvious you're packing all this heat?" he teased.

"I just want to be able to look you in the eyes before we fuck," Erwin complained.

"Oh is that what we're gonna do?"

Erwin froze for a second, his body tensing, beginning to worry, "Well- I mean- I-"

"Relax, relax baby. I wouldn't be grinding this hard if that wasn't my intention," he smiled, resting his head against the blond's broad chest. His eyes were still closed, face etched with a mix of contentment and arrogance. Clearly Erwin wasn't the only one who knew he could have any man he wanted.

He changed his approach. It all happened in a matter of seconds: gently taking the goth's slender wrists in his hand and prompting him to do a twirl. Spinning back towards Erwin, he made sure he was facing towards him. As if the smaller man could read his mind, he stood on his tip toes as Erwin cupped his cheeks. His skin was so soft under his touch, and warm. He felt small hands touch his own cheeks as he leaned in. The club lights flashed green just as he closed his eyes, the image burning into the back of the eyelids, as if he would never see it again. The music seemed to reach inside his chest, nudging his heart to beat a bit faster to match the beat as he closed in on the raven's personal space. 

Their lips met.

And the world stopped.

The first thing Erwin felt was an overwhelming sense of familiarity, like he'd kissed these lips thousands of times before. Like he'd be kissing these lips for half his life. So soft and perfect pressed against his own.

_ Made for me. _

The second thing was a tidal wave of arousal and neediness. He was parting his lips before even thinking of doing so, giving access to the small tongue that pushed inside. He held the man closer, delving deeper into each other's mouths and bodies. So close but not close enough.

_ Desperate. _

The last feeling seeped out of his clenched stomach, infiltrating his veins in a way he couldn't describe, but could compare to anxiety. It was an instinctual desire Erwin had never felt before: the desire to look this man in his eyes, hold him close, and never let go again. The need to shield him from the dangers of this world,  _ their world _ . The intense desire to see him smile when that was so rare (but hadn't he been smiling at Erwin this whole time?) 

It was something Erwin never felt before but somehow understood anyway.  _ Is this true love? _ he thought,  _ or is it something else? _

_...what is this? _

Their lips separated, and Erwin immediately opened his eyes...to ones that were still fucking closed. He was about to say something until a smile slowly spread across those deep purple lips. His heart clenched at the sight. And then finally  _ finally _ his eyelids slowly lifted, fluttering a bit. His eyes focused on the blond's lips at first, slowly traveling up the handsome chiseled face, that  _ did _ have faint wrinkles, until they settled on the intense blue orbs that waited to greet him again.

"Oh shit."

The music got quieter...or did it? The crowd parted for them...or did they? Their world moved in slow motion...or had they been staring for several minutes?

Their world shattered...and it came back together slowly, piece by piece.

The memories did not return all at once.

The first thing that came to Erwin's mind was a stolen kiss in the hallway of some dimly lit building. Walking past...whatshisname...bending down and stealing a kiss before continuing to walk past him. Couldn't remember where or when, but he knew it was when their relationship was new and secret. More memories came to him, all small intimate moments, kissing, touching. 

A hand on a thigh while eating dinner with nobles, thumb brushing just a little too high to be an innocent gesture. A quiet moment alone together, making out on an old couch by the fireplace while important paperwork was ignored. A gentle hand loosening a cravat to begin slowly undressing and revealing a body Erwin knew so well. A body he couldn't believe he ever forgot. God he missed him. It was-

"Levi," Erwin whispered, and the look in the raven's eyes told him everything he needed to know. He hadn't even shared his name with Erwin yet but he  _ knew _ . How could it possibly be anyone else? The small ringed hand that grabbed his wrist and pulled it away was the very same hand that had explored every inch of Erwin's body. One that made his skin feel hotter than lava as it caressed every plane before it pleasured him in a way only Levi knew how. Erwin's groin throbbed as he was led into a darkened booth in the back of the club, near the bathroom doors.

He nearly stumbled being pulled so harshly. Levi scooched along the U shaped booth, sitting in the middle and taking Erwin's face in his hands. He held him close, eyes frantically searching his face. All the blond could focus on was finally  _ seeing  _ those eyes. Even in the dark he could tell they were the same deep blue lakes he used to get lost in. Remembering their nights together...how these eyes bore through him as they watched every expression, every signal of the pleasure he made Erwin feel. He nearly bit his lip just thinking about it…

"Levi," he said again, not necessarily meaning to, "it's…"

"It's really you. Erwin, my God, you're…" Levi trailed off. The bathroom door opened, casting bright yellow light on his face, and Erwin could see his expression twisting into one of pain, of anguish. Erwin didn't understand.

"You're  _ alive _ ."

Then it started coming together. The horny, loving thoughts were quickly overtaken in his swirling mind. Other things came to a head: naked giants, severed limbs, screams, the sounds, the expressions of those who lamented the fallen. Levi. So much blood. Too much blood.  _ Mike.  _ The military, the gear, training, Nile.  _ Marie. His father, oh God. Levi _ . The underground. The capitol. Titans of so many variations. A massive arm flying towards him. His own arm being torn  _ from  _ him. Levi. Titans with no skin. A Titan with no lips. Teeth teeth teeth, so much teeth, too much teeth.  _ Mike. _ Levi. Hange. Who else? There were so many. A pile of corpses. An angry mother. A father in denial. Levi. Young faces, so afraid. His horse.

_ Levi. _

A Beast.

_ Levi. _

A promise.

_ Levi. _

A final stand.

_ Levi. _

And then…

"Please say something," Levi pleaded, his eyes full of tears.

Erwin couldn't speak, couldn't think. He was frozen in place. He looked into Levi's eyes but couldn't remember how to talk. The assault of a lifetime of memories already seeped into memories of his current life. His  _ real  _ life. And it screamed one very clear message. Too much. 

_ Too late. _

"No…" he said softly.

"What?"

Levi didn't hear. Erwin focused and returned Levi's pleading gaze. He reached to touch the hands that still held his face, closing his eyes for a moment to savor the feeling. He opened them to look at Levi, his man, his lover,  _ his… _

"Make love to me."

He knew it was sudden, and demanding in its own way. Maybe the wrong thing to say. But it was all too much and Erwin dealt with it the best way he knew how: by immediately ignoring the torment and shoving it so far under water it can't breathe or even struggle against his grip. All to enjoy this moment, if Levi says yes. Because Erwin had found the thing he never realized he was searching for his entire life...and even if it wouldn't last they at least had tonight. They had tonight.

_ Right? _

Levi hadn't said a word, kept staring at him dumbfounded. Erwin tucked his hair behind his ear, like he used to, his thumb and index fiddling with the lobe.

"Please make love to me."

"Erwin…" for a moment he thought he was about to be rejected. That is until a huge grin split across Levi's lips, nearly attacking the man with a hug and a kiss.

"You big horny idiot," he laughed.

Erwin welcomed the embrace, stroking Levi's back, "I know that's...a lot to ask of you. I don't know everything but frankly I don't want to know right now. Please just love me in your arms again."

It was more to convince himself. Though he was glad he said it out loud because Levi immediately sprung into action.

"I just have to tell my...oh God. Hange...I-sorry I just- you're. Okay you're right I just have to tell my...friends I'm leaving. I live right around the corner so we can go back to my place. It'll be fine. Right? Okay. Give me a sec."

As soon as Levi disappeared in the dance crowd, Erwin buried his face in his hands. He didn't- no  _ couldn't  _ think too deeply about this. Not yet anyway. This is what he came here for. Finding his soulmate wasn't in his plans but he just couldn't reject this. Not yet anyway. Or should he? Would it better to just-

"Erwin, I'm ready. You ready?"

Levi was back, hand outstretched beside the table.

"I need to pay my tab," Erwin heard himself say. He didn’t even have a tab open. Why was he hesitating?

"Don't worry, Hange- Hans said they would take care of it. Let's go."

Erwin still hesitated before taking the raven-  _ his  _ raven's hand. He was led away. Away from the table, away from all the people, the music, the bar, the club where this all started, out into the brisk night air. He breathed deeply, hoping it would clear his head. Levi led him left and was nearly jogging towards his apartment. Erwin followed. He remembered so many times when Levi told him he'd follow him anywhere. He was ready for that to change. He'd always wanted that to change. Levi never knew it, but Erwin always secretly wished he would whisk him away from the war for humanity. But he never deserved to know such peace…and wasn't that the truth? Erwin had never known a time where he thought he deserved half of what he was given, but even so he acted selfishly. 

He pretended Levi was the one leading him but it was a lie. He knew it was. He was about to take everything he possibly could from Levi before he inevitably pushed him away. He would absorb every ounce of love he could and hope that would be enough to sustain him for the rest of his life...but even as he felt Levi's fingers laced with his he  _ knew  _ it wouldn't be enough. It was never enough. Nothing was  _ ever _ enough for Erwin, was it? 

_ Selfish… _

He would make love with Levi. And if what he was already feeling was any indication, it would feel just as amazing as it used to be every time it happened in their past life. They came to a crosswalk and Levi bounced on his feet waiting for the light to change. He turned to Erwin, grabbed his shirt, and pulled him into a kiss. Erwin held his face in his hands, thumbs stroking his soft cheeks. He could feel Levi smiling.

_ Undeserving… _

They broke their kiss and Erwin smiled back.

_ Piece of shit. _

"My sweet kitten," he said, kissing the tip of Levi's nose. He just couldn't help himself. It was euphoric and yet at the same time it was the worst thing he might ever do.

The light changed, the green walking signal appearing. Levi continued leading, explaining his apartment was another block away. Reaching their destination, it was a small brick building that look squished between the ones surrounding it, though it was still homey. Definitely not a huge complex, more like a house with two smaller houses on each floor. Levi led him upstairs to his door. Dark green with the number two on it. He unlocked it and led Erwin inside, bending to untie his platform boots. Stepping out of them Erwin made a noise; his heart simply melted being greeted by Levi's true size that he remembered so well. 

The boots added five inches to Levi's height, giving him enough space to at least be taller than Erwin's chest. Now he was back down being the perfect height to bury his face there as he's had so many times...and does now. Hugging Erwin and breathing in his scent.

"Mmm...is that Dial soap? I expected fancy cologne. What a dad you've become," he teased, laughing a bit. Erwin wanted to throw up, but he attempted to repress the feeling. Instead he bent to bury his nose in Levi's hair, breathing deep. The smell immediately made his nausea dissipate. 

"I can't even tell what the scent is but you still smell so clean, so nice, so-" he cut himself off, pressing his lips to the top of his head, "I've missed you so much."

It was barely a whisper. He was unsure if Levi even heard him because the man told him to remove his shoes. He complied, then waited for further instructions. The small man took his hand and led him away from the door and into his arms. Levi stood on his toes and Erwin bent over to meet him in the middle. They kissed again, slowly, taking their time with each other like they used to if and when they could. Levi always give slow, incredibly soft kisses, taking his time as he repeatedly moved his lips over Erwin's. He did this now, running his hands all over his torso.

Erwin had worn a light blue button down with the sleeves rolled up. He'd already had the first few buttons undone but Levi's nimble fingers quickly undid the rest. He untucked Erwin's shirt and pushed his hands behind the fabric so he could run his hands along Erwin's bare back as they kissed.

The blond was still fairly fit but his muscles has certainly gotten softer with time. As Commander, he had a hard eight pack, defined arms, a strong back. Now it was more like a less defined six pack, his arms still strong but softer. His chest was still big, but as Levi's small hands grabbed his breasts, they were squishier in his hands. He smiled into their kiss, groping and gently pinching his nipples. Erwin moaned softly. His weak points were still the same.

But was that true for Levi? Only one way to find out…

Erwin's hands traveled downward. He grasped the mesh material, pulling it upward, "seeing as this isn't covering much anyway…" he removed Levi's shirt and didn't even think, just tossed it on the floor.

Levi's body was still incredibly fit. His torso was so small but so  _ defined _ , and Erwin couldn't help but feel a bit insecure. He supposed Levi still kept his body properly active, something he hasn't ever been good at doing.

He refocused, rubbing his hands along the hard muscles. God he loved how that felt. They had stopped kissing and Levi simply watched the blond's large hands explore his body. Erwin remembered Levi loved being groped even more than he did; he loved having his chest and his ass manhandled, told Erwin that so many times. So he gently ran his hands along his pecs before suddenly and roughly grasping them. Levi's head fell back and he let out a breathy moan. Erwin smiled, stepping closer and moving his hands to squeeze Levi's ass hard, one cheek in each hand. He groaned, hips bucking closer.

The blond shrugged his own shirt off his shoulders. He bit his lip as he was getting excited. He was torn between wanting to go slow and picking Levi up and shoving him against the wall. He instead quickly scanned his surroundings: they were standing in the living room of Levi's apartment that was connected to a small kitchenette...and empty counter top space. He bent down to kiss Levi again, then took his ass in his hands and lifted him off the ground. Levi let out a surprised noise as he was carried to the counter; Erwin set him on top of it. 

Standing before him, Levi wrapped his arms around his neck and held him close, their bare chests touching. Erwin's hands continued to wander as they kissed. It felt so good just to be kissing his raven again. He adored the intimacy, lips moving and melting into each other. He could detect the faint smell of alcohol, and a fruity taste on his tongue. It mixed with the burning flavor of the bourbon he drank. He hummed, nipping Levi's bottom lip.

"You taste so good, sugar," he whispered. Levi whined. Erwin loved using pet names of all kinds and while his darling boy often fussed, he loved them too. He used them sometimes too, he just wasn't as creative as the blond was. 

"You taste gross," he teased, "you never drank tasty alcohol."

"Well pardon me," Erwin laughed softly, "at least I have good taste in other aspects…"

His lips dragged across the smaller man's jaw, hand cupping his face as he tilted his head back. Erwin remembered Levi favored the right side of his neck being kissed over the left. That was still apparently true as kissed him there: Levi's knees pulled together and lifted as his back arched. His small hand grabbed the bigger man's hair, and a soft moan slipped out of both of them.

Erwin bit down and Levi squirmed, his leg brushing against his hard on. The blond grunted, licking and sucking the skin almost frantically. He pawed at the hard cock that was barely contained by the black skinny jeans Levi wore. Erwin's thought was to take them off and suck his dick on the kitchen counter but Levi's voice broke his train of thought.

"Let's move to the bedroom," he said, nudging the bigger man away so he could jump down from the counter. He led him down a small hallway with two doors. He opened the first and led Erwin into the small bedroom with a queen size bed that nearly took up all the space. He was shocked to find it a little...messy. Not in an extreme way but there were clothes on the floor. Levi would have never had his space like this in their past life. Erwin stared, motionless. 

Levi followed his gaze, "ah, sorry…"

Erwin shook his head, "no, no, it's just. Before you have never been comfortable with a space like this."

The small man rubbed the back of his neck, "I guess things are different when you aren't raised in a shit hole. Don't get me wrong, I'm still a clean freak but it's easier for me to slip up without an incident. I'm sorry if the mess bothers you…"

Erwin approached him, kicking himself for mentioning it in the first place, "no, don't apologize. I'm sorry, kitten, it just took me by surprise that's all."

Levi smiled up at him, "some things are different, but it seems like some are the same...or at least I hope so."

Erwin offered a cheeky grin, "what's something you hope will be the same?"

"I don't know...can you sit on the bed and be a good boy for me while you wait and find out?"

A wave of arousal pumped through the blond's body, "I think I can do that…"

"Good, sit on the edge of the bed then and wait for me, okay?"

"Yes... sir," Erwin purred, attempting to kiss him again. The raven shied away.

"Ah ah, sit. I'll be right back."

Erwin complied, watching Levi cross his room to another door that led directly to the bathroom. He closed it and the blond waited.

As he did, poisonous thoughts threatened to swirl in his mind. Rather than fantasizing about what Levi might have planned, he found himself wondering what must have happened to Levi after he died. He wondered how it was so easy for him to jump into sex with Erwin when he was certain he must have had inner turmoil too. Then again,  _ Erwin _ was jumping into to repress the memories that were infiltrating into his mind. Maybe that's what Levi was doing too. It had to be. If anything, Erwin was just happy to have him in his arms again. He imagined Levi had felt the same?

_ Or maybe life got easier without you in it. He doesn't have additional traumas to stand in his way. _

No… no. That was an intrusive thought that couldn't possibly be true...right? He had no concept of what happened to humanity after his death. But even that was fuzzy in his mind. Had he really died that way? Was Levi by his side? What had actually happened…? What was the name of the city they were in again?

Shin...something. No, they were in Syracuse weren't they? Or maybe...some place else?

He heard the sink running in the bathroom. He realized his erection had almost completely faded. He kept staring at the dirty clothes on the floor. Was he really up to doing this? His pocket burned. He suddenly remembered what was in it, the small object caught between his thigh and his phone. He considered undressing, but then he remembered something else that stopped him from doing so. The nausea returned.

_ How could you? _

Each minute that passed waiting made him more unsure and anxious. How long was Levi going to take? What if he lost all his nerve by the time he came out? Maybe Levi was losing his nerve too? Trying to think of something to say to get Erwin to leave. He picked at the creases of his jeans; his palms began to sweat. He wiped them harshly on his knees.

Just then the door opened. Levi stepped into the room; he'd removed all makeup and jewelry and his pants were gone and replaced with dark thigh high stockings with lace tops, a matching lacy garter belt, and kitten heels. His dick was barely covered by sheer black panties he wore. Erwin chuckled as he strutted across the room over to him. He posed in front of Erwin, smirking, turning to show off his ass.

“Like it? I remember we always wanted to do this but never had any time…”

He was right; having mentioned it Erwin now remembered that too. He’d said a couple times he would like see Levi wearing a garter belt and stockings. The heels were a nice bonus, not adding much height but looking so cute on Levi’s little feet.

He laughed again as Levi turned around. Erwin gently grazed his ass, nudging him closer. He pressed his cheek to his stomach, running his hands up and down his backside, “I love it.”

The raven carded his fingers through the blond’s hair in a loving manner. He didn’t attempt to move things along; they enjoyed the simple intimacy. Erwin had noticed Levi’s erection was gone too. He swallowed hard, looking up.

“Hey-” they both spoke at the same time, cutting each other off by accident. Erwin laughed it off, a bit nervous, “ah, you first.”

Levi flashed him a sympathetic smile, “listen, um, it’s okay if you- if you don’t w-want this right now.”

“I was going to say the same to you,” he admitted.

“Oh!” Levi was caught off guard, “no I mean, I want to, I just. I don’t… I don’t know what you remember, I’m sure you’re…”

“Honey, again, I could say the same to you,” his smile was soft, resting his cheek on his abdomen again, lightly running his fingers on the fine hairs on Levi’s lower back.

“So does that mean you want to keep going or should we stop? Either way, you’re obviously welcome to stay here tonight. In fact, I would be insulted if you didn’t.”

Erwin looked back up at him. He slid his hands down his thighs and nudged the back of his knees. Levi responded by climbing onto his lap, assuming that’s what he wanted. The blond took his arms and put them on his own shoulders. His eyes slid closed, kissing his chest, and murmuring, “I want to keep going.”

Levi took a deep breath, feeling his skin burn under those plump lips, “it’s okay if you want to talk instead…”

“No, I want you…” he continued his trail of kisses, hands slowly squeezing the small ass on his lap. Levi sighed, leaning into Erwin, flexing his toes and causing one of his heels to fall off.

“Did you lose your shoe?” Erwin inquired. 

“Just one…”

“Mmm...lie down on the bed, keep the other on.”

Levi obeyed, climbing off Erwin’s lap to lie on his back. The blond gently lifted his leg still wearing the heel. He kneaded the hard muscle of his calves, admiring how nice they looked outlined by the dark stockings he wore.

“I always knew this would be a good look for you.”

He smirked, hands slowly removing the heel. He tossed it on the floor, and then held the small foot in both his hands, daring to rub his nose on the arch, inhaling.

“Hah...you freak. All this time you had a foot fetish?” Levi teased. Even in the dark, Erwin knew he was blushing.

“Only when it comes to you. You’re so perfect how could I not worship every inch of you?”

The raven looked away, the way he always did when the blond flattered him like this.

“As long as you don’t want me to jerk your dick with my feet, we’re fine.”

Erwin laughed, “no, I don’t need that. Not with how good your hands and mouth are…”

Levi looked back at him, in the eyes now, challenging him, “Oh yeah? How do you know I’m still good at it? I could be a virgin now, for all you know.”

Erwin smiled so big he bit his lip. He lowered Levi’s leg, crawling over him, “I seriously,  _ seriously  _ doubt that…” he tucked the inky black hair behind his ear, smiling fading as he studied Levi’s face. He had taken off his makeup, but his eyes were still darkened by the eyeliner that didn’t quite come off. He looked the same as he remembered, “look at how gorgeous you are. How could anyone resist you?”

“Y-you’re right. I  _ have _ gotten a lot of attention...but now I’ll only have eyes for you.”

Erwin’s heart dropped into his stomach. He wanted so badly to say the same. Instead he avoided it, “my sunshine” and he closed in for a kiss. Right away he could tell Levi brushed his teeth when he was in the bathroom. The blond laughed a bit into their kiss, darting his tongue to taste the minty freshness.

"Do you want  _ me _ to brush my teeth too?"

Levi smiled, giving Erwin several quick kisses between his words, "no, I just thought I might as well since I washed my face too."

Their smiles faded, lips smacking as their kisses got slower and longer. Erwin settled on top of Levi, hips resting between his spread legs. His arms snaked behind his back, holding him close, soft cocks resting against one another. It was blissful, getting to hold the former Captain in his arms and just enjoy the feeling of his lips against his own, his small hands touching his face and hair. The only person the Commander ever allowed to touch his neatly styled hair.

Memories of their moments of quiet intimacy flooded his mind against his will. Their pillow talk, lying naked in  _ their _ bed, touching each other and just committing the other person's body to memory. Never knowing if this would be the last time they got to have this. Even now, in a life without titans or wars affecting them, Erwin still didn't know if this would be the last time. He didn't know what would happen tomorrow, hell, he didn't know what would happen an hour from now. He breathed deeply and made a decisive choice: he deepened their kiss.

He knew he would come to hate himself for this, but he couldn't stop himself. He needed Levi's love, the only thing that ever made him feel human. He would accept any treatment Levi gave him, so long as he just kept loving him for who he was. That was not about to change. At the very least, he could make love to him one more time.

He sucked Levi's tongue into his mouth, eliciting a soft moan. Their bodies stirred, Erwin rolling onto his side pulling the raven with him, one arm wrapped around his thin shoulders. His other hand traveled down to rub his legs, enjoying the feeling of stockings. Levi's own hands touched the back of Erwin's hair, and his broad chest, squeezing gently. 

A dull heat stirred in his belly and he moaned quietly. Levi responded by squeezing a little harder and by catching the blond's bottom lip between his teeth. The feeling in his stomach burning a little hotter, waking up his sleeping groin. He pulled Levi's leg, forcing their bodies closer. His hand slid under the thin panties Levi wore, groping his ass. Even though he knew how their sex would go, he always liked teasing Levi by pressing his finger tips again his hole. It always made him yelp in such a cute way. He wondered if he would still do that now.

He moved his other arm from his shoulders, breaking their kiss. Resting his chin on the raven's shoulder, he was able to watch as both hands slid down the back of his underwear. He pushed and pulled his ass cheeks, feeling him squirm as he played with them. Erwin smirked, spreading his cheeks rubbing his index finger against his hole.

Levi yelped, and then whined Erwin's name. He chuckled, rolling onto his back to have Levi sit on top of him, still holding his ass.

"You know I love teasing you, kitten. I wanted to see if you still liked it, too."

"I do, but don't you think it's about time you take your pants off already?"

"Ah, I suppose so," he replied, pulling his hands out and tapping his leg twice to prompt him to move. Levi climbed off of him and Erwin stood to unbuckle his belt. The raven simply watched him as he casually undressed. He'd almost forgotten.

"My God, 'win."

Erwin's pants dropped to reveal that he himself was wearing panties. Not lacy sheer ones like Levi's, but solid pink ones. Ones that had a tiny bow in the center front and floral design. His cheeks flushed a deep red, looking down as his own half hard cock barely contained by women's underwear. Underwear he'd taken from-

"I love it," Levi said suddenly. He smiled, crawling across the bed, rising to his knees to pull Erwin into a kiss. He palmed his erection through the fabric. The blond groaned at the new stimulation.

"Fuck it's so hot that you're wearing these…"

His cheeks flushed deeper, surprised at how turned on the smaller man was, bending down and...and mouthing his cock through the fabric.

"Fuck," Erwin whispered. Levi's hot mouth against the fabric quickly made him grow back to full hardness, his cock head slipping out of the panties. Levi licked it, then popped it into his mouth, full wet lips sucking on the sensitive area. Erwin sucked his lips between his teeth, hand tangling itself in the dark black hair.

Levi didn't tease him long, hooking his finger in the waistband to free Erwin of the last bit of clothing covering him. He stepped out of them, torn between wanting to climb back into bed and just standing to let Levi suck him off.

"Sit on the side of the bed," Levi decided for him, patting the spot he wanted him to sit. As Erwin sat, Levi climbed off the bed, standing in front of him. He gave him a quick kiss, smirking as he turned around, bending over. Looking over his shoulder, he pulled the lace panties down to expose his ass and his balls being squeezed between his legs. Erwin reached out to touch and Levi let him, humming as his ass was played with. He really loved being manhandled, but so did Erwin.

As the blond groped him, he pulled his garter belt down along with this underwear. He peeled the stockings off too, and he tossed all the garments across the room. Fully naked, he backed up closer to Erwin, and Erwin being the tease he often liked to be, spread Levi's ass wide and dipped down to kiss and lick his asshole.

Levi gasped, immediately reaching back to hold the blond's head in place. He kept a firm hold on his ass cheeks, keeping them spread so his tongue and nose could stimulate every inch, even trailing down to lap and suck on his balls. This was how Erwin liked to worship Levi: stimulating him and relaxing his body as if he was going to be the one to bottom. He just wanted to make him feel good and know how much he loved every inch of his body. Every muscle, every fold, every skin blemish, every reaction, shudder, clench, or sigh. Anything and everything about Levi, Erwin adored. He especially loved his ass, and he would admit to that without shame. Erwin was an ass man, after all.

So he licked and kissed his fluttering hole. The sighs and soft moans escaping Levi were music to his ears. He slowly leaned back, pulling Levi along with him. He really just wanted him to sit on his face; Erwin would eat Levi out for hours if he'd let him. But Levi turned around instead, intending something else.

Erwin repositioned himself to lie on the bed correctly as Levi climbed on top of him.

"I know you love eating ass, but I'd like to worship you, too…" he trailed off, reaching past Erwin to his night stand. He opened the top drawer and retrieved a small bottle of lube. He placed it nearby on the bed, spreading Erwin's legs. God he didn't  _ deserve _ to be worshiped but he'd be damned if he denied what he knew Levi was about to do. Eating ass was  _ his  _ favorite sexual act, but  _ Levi's  _ favorite was-

"Hah, fuck," a warm tongue dragged across his sex.

-sucking cock. There was no teasing or being coy; Levi almost immediately swallowed the entire length, coating Erwin's cock with his warm saliva that felt cold the second his mouth pulled off again. Erwin sucked in a breath as he was swallowed again, Levi's nose breathing hard against the coarse hair at the base. He groaned feeling the impossibly hot wetness of the smaller man's mouth and throat envelop his sex. The world, his life melted away as his mind could only focus on one thing: watching this glorious act unfold.

Levi looked up, his eyes intense as he sucked the blond's cock, tongue swirling, small hands fondling his balls. Biting his lip, he returned the gaze, hand reaching for the black hair that bobbed between his legs. He pushed his head all the way down, wanting to feel the tightness of his throat squeeze around him again. It was comparable to fucking a woman, but it just wasn't the same. It was just wet, but more fluid as the different muscles mingled with his most sensitive area. The act was made even better by getting to watch one as gorgeous as Levi do it. He recalled times in their past when they had done this, but Levi had never been  _ this  _ good at taking cock. He was far better at deep throating now, that much was obvious.

As his mouth worked, he reached blindly for the lube at set on the bed. Getting a hold of it, he popped open the cap and poured some his hand, coating his fingers, all while still keeping Erwin's cock buried in his mouth. He pulled off and took a deep breath, laughing at bit when he saw Erwin's expression: a mix of shock and intense arousal. He held eye contact as his right hand slipped between his legs, sliding along his cheeks. Erwin bent his knees, his feet planted on the bed, letting his thighs fall open. Levi's middle finger circled his entrance, coating it with lubricant. His mouth fell open as he pushed against the tight ring of muscle, watching Erwin mirror his expression. The tip of his finger sunk inside. They both moaned, Levi clearly finding the act erotic even though Erwin was the one being stimulated.

He only went as far as the first knuckle, gently rubbing his finger tip against the walls of his entrance.

"You can go a little deeper," Erwin instructed. It had been a hot minute since he had anal sex but he was sure his limits weren't back to a beginner level. Levi's finger sunk to the second knuckle, transferring the lube to keep Erwin's ass slick. He pulled out and added a bit more, accidentally pushing his finger all the way in. He apologized but Erwin assured him was fine and urged him to keep going.

By the time Levi added his index finger, his cock was leaking. He loved fingering, found it the eroticism of seeing his partner feel good to be highly pleasurable,  _ especially  _ with Erwin. Because Erwin was an antsy bottom, his entire body constantly moving and fidgeting, trying to figure out how to handle the sensations. He would bite his lip, look at Levi, look away, look at the ceiling, close his eyes. His hands would move from his thighs, to his stomach, to his chest, and then to the bed to grip the sheets. It was so cute how he didn't know what to do with himself. Levi smirked, slowly scissoring his fingers. Erwin's back arched as he let out a strangled moan.

Levi continued exploring, finding his prostate and massaging it. He watched Erwin's cock twitch, reveled in the way he pushed his ass against his fingers for more. He added a third, looking down to watch them disappear in and out of his stuffed ass. His hips involuntarily jerked as he couldn't help but think about burying his cock in there. He bit his lip, looking to Erwin with the predatory looking gaze he always got when he was very horny.

Erwin knew that look, loved seeing it. He loved knowing how badly Levi wanted him. He hummed with pleasure, "I'm ready," he whispered.

"Are you sure?" Levi asked, fingers dragging against his walls.

"Yes, please. I want you inside me already."

Levi would have made a snarky comment but he wanted it too much to draw this out any longer. He carefully removed his fingers, lubing them one more time so he could coat his cock with it. Just touching himself made him whine and he knew he wouldn't last long. Erwin knew it too. It had been so long.

Settling between his legs in the missionary position, Levi kissed Erwin long and slow, as he nudged his cock against his ass. Erwin whimpered as the head pushed into his hole. Levi bit his bottom lip, holding it between his teeth as he penetrated him. Erwin focused on staying relaxed, feeling the head pop inside as the shaft followed. He moaned, eyes closed and foreheads pressed together. Levi placed his hands on either side of Erwin's body, gripping the sheets as he sunk further in until he finally bottomed out. With his cock buried inside Erwin's hot tight walls, he knew he wasn't going to last long at all.

Memories flooded his mind: all the times they had sex, all the different ways Levi had entered him, each time feeling new in some kind of way. Each time holding more meaning than the last, including this one. How long had it been since they made love? How many years? Centuries? ...Millenia? Erwin didn’t even know if the titans existed in this universe...and yet he remembered Levi. How could he have forgotten this feeling? Their bodies fit so perfectly together.

_ Made for me. _

“...Erwin,” his soft voice called him back into the moment. His eyes slid open, as if he had been sleeping. He touched his lover’s face, so soft, so real and here in his arms. He wrapped his legs around his waist, pulling their bodies flush, as close as they could physically be. He kissed Levi, completing the connection, filling as much of himself as he could with Levi. How he wished this moment could last forever, that Levi could just stay in his arms, like this, safe from the world. From prying eyes. From judgement. From titans. From other people. From his-

_ No no no _

Levi gripped his arms, grunting as he started to move his hips. He put more weight on his right arm, looking down between their legs. Pushing back inside, he squeezed his arm and Erwin yelped.

“Shit are you okay?”

In that moment, giant teeth bit him and yanked him away from reality. Levi wasn’t there; all he could see was the Armored Titan getting away, and dozens of frightened soldiers staring at him. Was this it? Were all his dreams about to be dashed into nothing? Was he finally going to be eaten alive? What about his father? The basement? And Levi…

_ At least he’ll be safe from me _

He called out what he thought would be his final orders. Hearing his own bone crunch between giant teeth didn’t even phase him. While he feared death, he’d also accepted it as an inescapable reality. In a moment he resolved himself to his fate, waiting for the titan to drop him into its own hand to continue consuming. But as he fell out of its mouth, someone had already slain it. Soldiers rushed to his aid. Someone cauterized his wound and his vision got spotty. He blinked several times; someone said he was blacking out. Levi’s face appeared in his mind…

Then everything went dark.

“Erwin! Erwin, are you okay? Talk to me.”

He forced his eyes open. He was back in their room at the barracks. No, wait...it was Levi’s bedroom in a different world. He realized he was naked, Levi on top of him,  _ inside _ him. He shook his head.

“Oh my god,” he suddenly focused on the concerned face before him, “I’m sorry. I was just…”

He knew it now: where he was, what he was doing. And he was ruining the mood, ruining it when he needed this so badly. For all he knew, this would be the last time. 

“I’m sorry, baby, I was just trying to relax. Can you not squeeze my arms though?”

Levi looked skeptical, but immediately removed his hands from his arms, “Are you sure you’re okay?”

Erwin forced a smile, “yes, please keep going,” he touched his face, brushing his bangs out of his eyes, “I want  _ you… _ ” he whispered. He kissed him, leaning back on the pillow, pulling Levi with him. He followed, lips locked on Erwin’s, hands on either side of him, not touching him. He tentatively moved his hips again. He broke their kiss, watching Erwin for any signs of distress. He just nodded for him to keep going.

It didn’t take long to get a rhythm going; their bodies seemed to be built the same, fitting together just right and moving in perfect sync. Levi’s head fell on Erwin’s shoulder, breathing hard in his ear as he moved a little faster. Erwin held him, hands sliding down to grope his ass and encourage his thrusting. It felt so good.

_ Too good. _

The raven sighed, “ _ Erwin.” _

The blond squeezed his ass, leading him back inside and keeping him there, “ _ Levi _ .”

Levi lifted his head to gaze at him; his hair was stuck to his sweaty forehead and his face was flushed, looking at Erwin with hooded eyes. Erwin’s chest heaved; he guided Levi’s movements to get him to fuck him a little harder and slower. 

“It’s been so long…” Levi whispered. He moved his hips on his own, Erwin’s hands snaking from his ass up to his chest. The raven haired moaned quietly as his thumbs brushed over his nipples.

“So long,” he said again.

“I know, kitten,” Erwin spoke softly. He kissed his neck, cradling the back of his head in his hand. Levi slumped forward, melting into the touch, the kisses, gripping the sheets. Erwin wished he would touch him instead but at the same time he was afraid of what that might do. Should he lace their fingers together instead? Or should he leave him be?

His kisses got sloppier, lips and tongue dragging lazily as Levi’s entire body moved. He suddenly lifted his arms and Erwin tensed...until he grabbed headboard just behind him. He relaxed into the pillow, looking up at his lover’s strained face as he fucked him faster. Erwin let his eyes slide closed, allowing himself to fully absorb his current reality: Levi’s cock dragging against his inner walls, rubbing and pleasing him in all the right ways. He stopped to move more slowly, with purpose, at a slightly different angle. He grunted, shoving himself back inside, cock head brushing against his prostate. Erwin arched his back, hands flying to hold the smaller man’s hips as he groaned. He repeated the movement and the blond got louder.

“ _ Right there, _ ” he gasped, eyes still closed. He sensed a shift and Levi asked if he could touch him. Erwin was focused on holding the man’s hips to encourage his cock a little deeper.

“Baby can I touch you?” Levi asked again.

Erwin sucked his lips between his teeth, blindly reaching for Levi’s arms.

“Open your eyes, ‘win,” he whispered, freezing all movement.

Erwin did, thinking briefly about how Levi wouldn’t listen to that command earlier that night. How this all started because of the type of man Erwin was now. How he couldn’t have  _ ever _ anticipated something as bizarre and specific as  _ this _ and yet here he was, making love to the former Captain of the Survey Corps. Except in this life, he wasn’t a captain anymore. He didn’t look anything like the old Levi and yet he was identical. Erwin was sure he was probably similar to who he was before. But was  _ he  _ the same as he used to be before?

Would Levi even love him once he finds out who he really is? The person he’s become in this wretched, privileged life. Yes privileged because his suffering paled in comparison to the suffering of his past life, of  _ Levi’s  _ past life. What he faced now was nothing in the grand scheme of the memories coming back to him.

And as he lay here, on his lover’s bed, getting fucked in the ass he realized how awful he was.

But it still felt  _ so good. _

The way Levi continually stimulated his sweet spot, now looking Erwin in the eyes. Those small swirling dark lakes he could lose himself in. He could drown in them and would do so willingly. So so many times Levi told Erwin how his eyes were much brighter, and bluer than his. How his eyes looked dead, even though that couldn’t be further from the truth… how he thought they were dull whereas Erwin’s were full of brilliant beautiful life. Nothing like a lake, but akin to some other water they couldn’t imagine. A river didn’t fit. And the blue sky didn’t either…

Levi moaned; Erwin bucked his hips involuntarily.

...the many times Levi would tell Erwin how his eyes said everything. He remembered in their early days, when the relationship was still new, Levi always just  _ knew _ how the blond was feeling without having to ask. It frustrated Erwin at first because he’d always been good at fooling  _ everybody;  _ how did Levi  _ know  _ he was suffering? How did he  _ know _ the words he spoke were lies? No one else ever did. But no one else ever bothered to get to know Erwin like that. After his father had died, no one took the time for him anymore. But Levi  _ did. _

_ You don’t deserve that anymore _

But the heat was building so fast.

_...can he see it now? _

If Levi could see the sadness in his eyes now, he didn’t show it. He pressed his forehand against Erwin’s, still not touching him as he never answered to tell him that he could. He pursed his lips to get a kiss, breathing hard into his mouth. The blond held the raven’s face, his own ragged breathing blowing hot against his lips. He kept his eyes open, watching Levi’s that was too close to see anything clearly. He could feel his orgasm building, knowing that all Levi would have to do was jerk him off a little to finish. But then it would be over.

_ You will lose him _

Even if he didn’t get his dick touched he was too close already.

_ He won’t love you forever _

“I’m c-close already, ‘win,” Levi gasped, “ah!”

_ Will he? _

“Look at me, Levi.”

The smaller man leaned back to meet his gaze.

_ Can he see it now? _

A hard lump formed in his throat as the swirling sensation of an orgasm roused his cock to move.

_ It’s too late _

“T-...touch me,” Erwin said, barely a whisper. Levi’s hands fumbled trying to move quickly. He located Erwin’s sex, pumping it fast. He kissed his lips again, speaking against them, “I love you.”

Tears welled in the blond’s eyes. It felt so good and...so awful. He let out a choked sob, cock stroking his prostate as delicate fingers tugged his own. He fell over the edge in every sense of the word.

He cried out, cum hitting his chest as tears rolled down his cheeks. Levi slumped forward, going quiet. A second later, Erwin could feel it, feel his cum spilling inside his ass. Levi moaned, hips jerking once, more warmth filling the blond’s insides. He removed his hands from his body, placing them back on the bed, breathing hard as his orgasm ended.

He didn’t even realize yet that Erwin was crying. The tears were falling fast; he squeezed his eyes shut, as if that would make it stop. He would sob any second and ruin this moment he  _ needed  _ to last longer. But it was already too late; nothing could save him. He gave in, arms wrapping around Levi and pulling him against his cum covered chest. 

He held Levi’s head in his hand, keeping him in place as he let himself go. He sobbed, body shaking as he held onto the only person who ever bothered to love him. The smaller man immediately registered what was happening, wriggling free of his grip.

“Shit, hey, hey, hey,” Levi reached for the blond’s face, looking at him. Erwin tried to calm himself but as soon as he looked Levi in the eyes, his face contorted to let out another sob, tears coming out even faster. Levi brushed them away as quickly as they came.

“Hey, hey, it’s alright. I’ve got you. Come here,” he held his arms open, beckoning Erwin to come closer. He did, pressing his cheek against the small chest, arms overlapping as they embraced his tiny torso.

He stroked the blond’s hair, soothing him and continually whispering, “it’s okay, I’ve got you.”

It made Erwin cry harder; he realized it very well could have been half a decade since he allowed himself to cry like this. He could feel his tears wetting Levi’s chest. He could feel the nasty snot starting to drip from his nose. His mouth had gone dry, but he couldn’t stop.

“S-s-s-...s-sorry…” was all he could manage to say.

“Shh, it’s okay baby. Let it out, let it out,” Levi assured, rubbing his back, “hey listen, I’m gonna pull out, okay? Hey, look at me,” Levi tilted his chin up to meet his eyes, “I’m going to pull out, is that alright?”

Erwin hadn’t even realized he didn’t yet. He nodded. Levi carefully eased his soft cock out of his ass, the release of pressure making him feel a little better, lighter. 

“I’m gonna go grab a few things really quick and I’ll be right back alright?”

Erwin nodded again, curling into himself as Levi walked away. He felt like a child, crying like this, losing his composure to such an extreme level. He resisted the urge to wipe his nose knowing it wouldn’t be any better to smear snot on his hand. 

Levi came back a moment later with two bottles of water and a box of tissues. He set the items on the nightstand, snatching a tissue from the box to clean Erwin’s chest first.

“Lie back, honey” he prompted, gently running the tissue across his skin. He used another to catch any remaining residue and discarded them in a small trash can nearby. He then handed Erwin the box, “I’m sure you don’t want me to wipe your nose for you.”

Erwin let out a small laugh, taking two from the box to try and wipe his nose as neatly as possible. He hated being... _ this _ kind of dirty in front of Levi. It wasn’t like the smaller man had never seen him cry like this before but still...Erwin always felt ashamed. Like he was a burden.

But now his shame was different. 

And Erwin started to sob again, holding the tissue against his face. Levi moved quickly, climbing on the bed next to Erwin, water bottle in hand. Pulling him close, he uncapped the bottle, “here drink this honey.”

Erwin sniffled, shaky hands bringing the rim to his lips. He realized how thirsty he was and drank half the bottle in one go, stopping only for a moment to breathe. Levi watched him patiently, letting him set the bottle on the nightstand before pulling him into his arms. Erwin rested his head on his chest because it calmed him down.

“Deep breaths, babe,” Levi instructed, his chest rising and falling to urge him further. Erwin attempted to breathe deeply through his stuffy nose but it made him cough. He tried again, through his mouth this time.

“There you go,” he whispered, stroking the blond’s hair, “you wanna tell me what’s wrong or do you just want to lie here? Or would you rather I talk about something else?”

Erwin’s heart jumped in his chest. He had a choice. He could prolong the conversation. Maybe he could just stay with Levi and never return to his old life…

_ No no no.  _ No. He couldn’t. He couldn’t do that for so many reasons and he hated himself for even considering such a possibility. The least he ever did was take responsibility for his actions. He would continue to do that, even if it meant losing everything.

With his heart beating fast, he took another deep breath. He looked up at Levi. He was smiling down at him, and the look in his eyes almost made Erwin lose his nerve. He looked away-  _ coward -  _ unable to look him in the face. He gripped the tissue in his hand, which rested on Levi’s chest.

“Le-Levi, I’m-...” he couldn’t even believe the words were coming out of his mouth, “I’m...married.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is going to be a multi chapter fic focusing on Erwin, his marriage, life, sexuality, and love for his soulmate, Levi  
> I will be adding tags as they become relevant  
> I'm nervous about this one! but I will do my very best to pour as much love and care into this as this story is close to my heart and something I've been wanting to write for a long time now...
> 
> I look forward to going on this journey with all of you  
> Comments are always appreciated and cherished for years! 
> 
> Follow me on Twitter @/Buckarts for updates on this fic, and other various Eruri content and artwork!


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